Major Parity and The 2011 PGA’s Best Bets

Quick, name the last 12 PGA major winners.

Okay.  That wasn’t fair.  This is no easy task.  You need a little more time.  Go ahead and pull out a pen and paper or a Word Doc or your iPad or Twitter or whatever.  You have five minutes to see how many you can get…go.

………

So here is your answer in reverse chronological order:

Darren Clarke (2011 Open Championship), Rory McIlroy (2011 US Open), Charl Schwartzel (2011 Masters), Martin Kaymer (2010 PGA), Louis Oosthuizen (2010 Open Championship), Graeme McDowell (2010 US Open), Phil Mickelson (2010 Masters), Y.E. Yang (2009 PGA), Stewart Cink (2009 Open Championship), Lucas Glover (2009 US Open), Angel Cabrera (2009 Masters), Padraig Harrington (2008 PGA).

If you notice, not one of those names is repeated at any point in that list.  The last 12 major winners have all been different.  In the scoring spirit of oft-used Cosmo/Better Homes and Gardens/Tiger Beat/Cat Fancy  “How Well Do You Know Your Man” Quiz.  Here is how you can measure yourself as a golf fan in 2011:

Yeah, I took it. So what.

10-12 Correct: You either work for the PGA, are on the PGA Tour, or you actually made the Wikipedia page that lists the PGA major champions.

6-9: Congratulations you are a about as good as it gets for a golf fan.  This is the only realistic range that someone who is not professionally involved in golf or sports media in some way can hope for.

2-5: You are the average golf fan.  To be honest, you probably didn’t even waste your time trying this little exercise, but this is most likely where you would’ve wound up anyway.  Your answers were probably Clarke (because it happened ten minutes ago), McIlroy, Mickelson, and then maybe one or two you remembered for some ransom reason.

1: You are Y.E. Yang.

Golf has fallen into a grey abyss that it has not seen in some time.  It’s not just the loss of Tiger, but the lack of a semblance of dominance from anyone.  McIlroy did his best to spike the pulse, but his performance is starting to look now more like an anomaly than something to expect (for now).

Going into the final major of the year, tomorrow’s PGA Championship, golf is in a very interesting place. And while every other major has something distinguishing about it, the PGA lacks a little bit of that sizzle. The Masters – the “tradition unlike any other” – has Amen’s Corner and the green jacket and that subtle hint of chauvinism that every traditional golf club should have. The Open Championship – which used to be The British Open – but apparently has changed at some point without anyone in America’s approval – has the linx courses and the pot bunkers and the birthplace of golf.  The US Open has the amateurs and the club pros and the great stories of qualifying.

The PGA is consistently the least-exciting of the four, with the only real saving grace is that it’s the last meaningful tournament of the year.

Oh wait, I forgot about The Fed Ex Cup! I’ve been keeping track of the points all year!  It’s a dogfight for seventh place right now: Mark Wilson is 15 points ahead of Gary Woodland who is 43 points ahead of Webb Simpson. I can’t wait to see how it shakes out.  American golf without Tiger!

Speaking of the striped one, the PGA does have a nice convergence of storylines at the moment – probably the best it could have possibly hoped for.  It won’t sniff Jersey Shore ratings (the premiere episode this season got an 8.8 to the Stanley Cup Final Game 7’s 8.7), but it should do better than expected.

Adam Scott is interesting because he has a new long putter and is finally playing well.  I think he has a new caddie as well.  Tiger has sat out the last two majors and is claiming he is finally “back in shape,” and in an unrelated circumstance also has someone new on the bag. This alone should keep people interested, and if the golf gods choose to give us a gift, Tiger and Adam will be in contention on the weekend and maybe even – I don’t even want to jinx the possibility because I’m so excited.  (If you know what I’m talking about by the context clues you are probably as potentially torqued about the idea as I am.)

Unfortunately, Tiger’s game is nowhere near Atlantic Athletic Club-level and Adam Scott usually does his best Anne Frank impression on the weekends of majors.

Tiger played the Bridgestone Invitational last week and finished in 37th at +1.  This is a tournament he has won seven of the thirteen times he has been in, once by 11 strokes.  His game is not there.  Tiger Woods will not win the 2011 PGA Championship.  Sorry to everyone out there who is rooting for him (you guys do remember the whole scumbag sex-crazed adulterer thing right?)

So the question now is who will hoist the Wannamaker Trophy on Sunday evening? Well, as the last 12 majors have taught us, the field is about as wide open as you can get.

The favorite is McIlroy, anointed as the next big thing after his US Open tour-de-force this year.  He has been playing well lately, especially in the states, but Atlantic Athletic Club’s main defense this week will be its tight fairways, and sitting at 140th in Driving Accuracy, I don’t think Rory has another US Open-like driving performance up his sleeve.

The rest of the bunch shakes down like this:

We start, naturally, with the number one player in the world – Luke Donald.  He finished second last week and is statistically dominant in all the right places: 1st in Scoring Average, 1st in Top Tens, 4th in Putting, 38th in Driving Accuracy.

Right behind him is fellow countrymen Lee Westwood, who has finished in the top three in five of his last eight major championships. I’ll be honest, I think the winner comes from one of these two chaps, and my money is going to be on Donald to get his first. However, there are 154 others in the tournament, so we continue.

Phil, Bubba, and Dustin Johnson are too shaky off the tee.  Nick Watney can’t be trusted after last year’s final-round 81 at Whistling Straits in this same tournament.  Jason Day is probably still a year away.  David Toms won it last time at AAC, but he’s too old (that was ten years ago). Martin Kaymer won it last year, but he has been a ghost after that. Rickie Fowler is too bright (not talking about intelligence).  We previously mentioned Adam Scott’s affinity for hiding, and you can put Sergio right next to him in that attic.

The only other guy who I can see taking this thing convincingly that would not surprise or shock anyone is Steve Stricker.  This may be the 44-year-old’s last shot; but his game and his putting are good enough for him to win.

With the field this wide open and no one being under 10-1, this is an excellent opportunity to take a few fliers on some long-shots and potentially have a big payday.  If you are into betting favorites, here are the three I suggest you choose from in making a larger, more confident bet:

Donald (12-1)

Westwood (12-1)

Stricker (22-1) – these are still great odds by the way and he is the 9th favorite.

With the way this course is setting up, it’s going to come down to two things: fairways in regulation and putting.  This is one reason why Luke Donald’s statistics set up so well.  If you simplify it down to Driving Accuracy and Putting, you get my mid-range sleeper with fantastic odds:

Zach Johnson (45-1) – 8th in Driving Accuracy and 8th in Putting

He has the best combination of the two of anyone on tour, he has won a big tournament before, and he is just enough under the radar to make himself – and you – some nice coin.

After that, because this is really a tough tournament to handicap, there are some guys that are getting fantastic odds for the caliber of player they are, regardless of whether they are playing well or how the course sets up for them.  Here are your long-range fliers to have some fun with:

KJ Choi (60-1)

YE Yang (80-1)

Fredrik Jacobson (80-1)

Brandt Snedeker (90-1)

Angel Cabrera (110-1)

Brian Gay (200-1)  – who is 3rd in Driving Accuracy and 25th in Putting.

Now hopefully Adam and Tiger cross paths at some point so this thing stays interesting.  Just in case that doesn’t happen, I will be making a few wagers so my interest can be piqued from Thursday to Sunday in the tour’s final big tournament. Either way, don’t be surprised to see a 13th straight different major winner on Sunday.

One of these men is a sneaky choice to win the 2011 PGA Championship and the other one is Zach Johnson.

How “Blue Chips” Made Me Realize I Don’t Care Who Cheats

Here's the twist: recruits were actually forced to take their SATs. How bout that Derrick Rose?

I stumbled across “Blue Chips” the other day on some movie channel.  I hadn’t seen it in a while, and with Shaq’s Meryl Streep-esque movie career on my mind after his retirement, I decided to invest the hour and a half and dust off the old gem.

Now “Blue Chips” is no “Shazaam,” but I still got quite a lot out of what I forgot to realize was a very underrated sports movie.  “Blue Chips” also isn’t “Hoosiers,” but it definitely keeps you interested, and holds up surprisingly well almost two decades later.  Seeing Shaq as Neon Bodeaux – the unknown giant from the swamps of Louisiana who has absolutely the best and most appropriate name for a fictitious basketball player from Louisiana – is worth it by itself.  On top of that, you have a Larry Bird cameo, a made-up team (L.A.-based “Western University”) that is eerily similar and foreshadowing to USC, Penny Hardaway when he was still Penny Hardaway, and a great ending speech that I wish would actually happen once in my lifetime.

If you haven’t seen the movie at all in or a while, here’s a quick recap: Pete Bell (played by Nick Nolte) is a legendary college basketball coach at Western University (think: Bob Knight still at Indiana).  Pete has won national championships, has his own TV show, and is generally revered as a living deity in the college basketball world.  He has three losing seasons in a row because it is getting harder and harder to recruit athletes without cheating (side note: this is 1994).  Pete has always done it the right way and is morally hard on his stance.  He finally gives in during the recruitment of three top-level recruits played by Shaq, Penny, and some slick-shooting, farm-boy white forward from French Lick, Indiana (hence the Larry Bird cameo).  Pete finally gives in to some “friends of the program” to help him pay off these recruits.  Everything goes well; they all come to school and the team eventually plays number one ranked Indiana and the real Bob Knight.  Pete starts to hear some things about some of the “friends of the program” getting to some of his other players and starts to regret his decision about cheating.  Western takes down number one Indiana (with Shaq dunking over multiple Hoosiers an estimated two hundred and forty times during the game), and in the post-game presser, Pete delivers this movie-validating speech in which he quits.

Watching Blue Chips and hearing the speech blew me away.  One more time – this was 1994.  Seventeen years ago, this was the underlying theme of the movie: you cannot win in college sports without cheating.  This quote did me in more than any:

“Y’know, someplace, someplace in America right now, there’s some 10 year old kid. He’s out there on that playground, and he’s playin’, he’s dribbling between his legs, he’s goin’ left, he’s goin’ right, he’s already above the rim, he’s stuffin’ it home. You know what’s gonna happen to this kid? Five minutes from now, he’s gonna be surrounded by agents, corporate sponsors and coaches. Y’know, people like me. Just drooling over this kid because he holds our future employment in his hands. I mean, that’s what we’ve made this game. That’s what we’ve done.”

That was seventeen years ago.  Six years after Southern Methodist got the infamous “Death Penalty” from the NCAA in 1988.  In college sports, you had no major headline-spanning scandals except point shavings until Southern Methodist in 1988.  I was born in 1986. So when I was two years old, major college sports was exposed.  Considering my age, I was not able to experience the shock and disbelief that those who followed sports at the time were able to feel.  I didn’t look up from my cereal bowl with dried cheerios all over my face and say “wow for those first two years I really thought college athletics were a pure and untainted part of my life.”

I’d say probably any major sports fan or just casual onlooker born between 1980 and 1995 has no ability to put college athletics in the proper perspective because of how prevalent this stuff has been.  Maybe they can be less cynical, but I have no foil.  I have no ability to say “it’s not how it used to be.” And it took a most-likely half-drunk Nick Nolte in a blue sweater to make me realize this.

It made me realize that I have no moral resentment towards anyone who gets caught cheating in college sports.  I’ll take interest in the salaciousness of the story or the particular details, but in the back of my mind – I have yet to find myself angry or disgusted.

I find myself asking the question of “how dumb were they to get caught” more than I say “wow, I didn’t expect that.”

Most of the popular sportswriters and analysts who cover this subject today are of a different generation.  Those who spread across the pages of the major media – print and online – and those who fill up our televisions grew up in a different era.   They grew up without the omnipotence of scandals, cheating, illegal text messages, and returned championships.  They were the children of an age when every recruit, every program, and every season wasn’t mired with suspicion.  They weren’t guilty until proven innocent.  You didn’t have to win a championship and still hold your breath for the five years after to make sure you kept it.

When there is a changing of the guard in the generation of sports personalities, when those born after 1980 become the elder-statesman, we will be a sports media culture that is numb to the cheating.

The men who fill the ranks as big-time college football and basketball coaches are some of the most competitive men you will find anywhere in sports.  And in an atmosphere where there are no drafts, there are no salary caps, and there are more rules you are expected to follow than there are restrictions that you simply can’t get around, they work 24/7 and still have to circumnavigate some of those rules to stay competitive.

This is why no coach is safe.  No record can be perceived too spotless, no closet can be assumed skeleton-free.  Sometimes the ones at the head of the mob with the biggest pitchforks turn out to be Frankenstein themselves.

Frankentressel

This was the case with Pete Bell, and unfortunately in real life it was personified by Jim Tressel. This was a guy who was Pete Bell:  The books about integrity and being honest. The pristine reputation. The national success and the respect of his peers.  The difference – in an obvious way – was that Pete Bell couldn’t morally stomach his actions.  He was sickened by his hypocrisy and he broke down within one season of committing his transgressions. Tressel covered things up for who knows how long and was forced to shamefully resign.

No real-life college coach has ever pulled a Pete Bell before.  Would we love to see this happen? Aboslutely. We view this man as a martyr of sorts, immediately forgive him, and hold the rest of the coaches to this kind of standard.  The pre-SMU generation would respect the old-school morality and the rest of us would appreciate knowing some of these guys actually have a soul.

Until that happens, I’ll go back to the self-sustaining apathy and wait for the next scandal to come down the line.  The only thing that could really surprise or shock me at this point is if I found out that Coach K had his players running a meth lab in the basement of Cameron Indoor (settle down Tarheels, I know you all just went six to midnight).

I’ll continue to be content making jokes about players getting busted and speculating about the teams and coaches I don’t care for.  This stuff has been the same now for two decades and I just realized I have no reason to know any better.  Plausible deniability. Thank you, Nick Nolte.

The LeBron James Rollercoaster

LeBron has a lot riding on his 100th game as a member of the Miami Heat tonight.

It’s not so much just about mental toughness.

Any man who has gone through what LeBron James has had to deal with – or any other professional athlete who has ascended to “superstar” status – has to have some semblance of cerebral fortitude.

It’s not a question of whether LeBron has it or not.  The way arguments seem to be going these days, everyone has to polarize themselves and stand pat on one side or the other.  There is a vast majority of pundits, analysts, and talking heads that handcuff themselves by dealing in absolutes.  Luckily we have Skip Bayless to save us from this “I-can-shout-louder-than-you-about-my-opinion-which-makes-it-better” journalism.

The true measure of greatness – the miniscule difference between championships and excuses – is repetition and consistency.  LeBron James is mentally tough.  We’ve seen it before: Game 5 against the Pistons in 2007 when he scored the final 25 points for the Cavs on his way to a ridiculous 48-9-7.  More recently, we’ve seen it this year against the Celtics and Bulls in the fourth quarter of close-out games.

However, within these dynamic examples of mental toughness are scattered the baffling performances of a superstar who shies away when the spotlight gleams its brightest: the infamous Game 5 against Boston last year in the Eastern Conference Finals and two nights ago in Dallas.

So the question isn’t whether or not LeBron James is mentally tough.  It’s not necessarily one or the other. For LeBron James, as we have found in many different instances, he is both – he’s inconsistent.

LeBron’s decision making has always been questionable. Choosing to allow his childhood friends to be his main representation, choosing to never develop any semblance of a post-up game, choosing to go to Miami, holding an hour-long special to announce that he was going to Miami, for some reason saying “taking my talents to South Beach” when he finally announced it, wearing that heinous white sweater for the State Farm commercials, or sitting down with his legs crossed against the base of the basket when the game was delayed for a spilled drink in Game 3.  Things that make you wonder, “what the hell could he possibly be thinking?”

Jordan was a coldblooded, no-excuses assassin.  Kobe is an asshole.  LeBron is a constant game of mental roulette. You think Jordan would ever take a seat on the court with his legs crossed in the middle of an NBA Finals Game?  Jordan would quit basketball and play another sport before he subjected himself to such childish behavior.

Henry Abbot wrote an article for ESPN.com’s basketball blog “True Hoop” (which he also founded) on May 9th titled “The Meaningless of Playoff Toughness.”

It was written one month ago today – when LeBron was shaking all the criticisms of lacking that killer instinct.  The first of the two distinct LeBron 180s was in full swing.  The second obviously has happened in the last two days. We’re now back where we started.

Abbot’s point was that maybe it’s not so much mental toughness as it is just pure basketball.   LeBron so kindly defecated all over that theory in Game 4.  (Sorry Henry).

Brian Windhorst of ESPN.com, who knows LeBron so well I’m almost positive he’s been sleeping under LeBron’s bed for the past eight years described the recent performance like this: “He lapsed into detachment…It wasn’t that James didn’t deliver in a clutch moment. That is excusable. It was that he looked like he didn’t even want to be in the moment.”

Detachment : That was the word I was looking for; thank you Brian.  Not that he has mental toughness or not.  Not that he is or isn’t clutch.  It’s that he removes himself from the situation altogether.

Tonight is LeBron’s 100th game as a member of the Miami Heat.  Not to jump on the hyperbole-laden S.S. Bayless that I have previously admonished, but this is the most important game of his career.

If you saw the totally not-staged-for-TV pregame speech that the ESPN cameras “caught” before Game 4; the one that on the scale of 1 to Drew Brees’ “This is New Orleans” 300 speech came up as about a 2.5, you heard Mr. James say that he felt like “his back was against the wall.”

If that was the case, I’m not even sure what metaphor to use now at the point he’s currently at.  What’s 100 times more than “back against the wall?”

LeBron James is an unpredictable entity.  He is a fascinating array of chemical reactions.  Does he allow Jason Terry and DeShawn Stevenson’s comments to get to him? Did Wade’s scolding hurt his confidence?  Is he happy to pick up the second fiddle and strum quietly in the corner?

If there’s one thing I can be certain of, it’s this: we can’t be certain of anything when it comes to LeBron Raymone James.  So let’s be comfortable with the indecisiveness of our conclusion, get in the LeBron rollercoaster, put your hands up and enjoy the ride.

Possibly the Best Soccer Goal Ever


I’ve been trying to do this in FIFA for about four years now and Dejan Stankovic just shows me up in real life.  Every time I try to sneak one in from midfield on someone that came too far out, the ball casually floats to the keeper  like Chad Pennington threw it.  Dejan just pures the B button and perfectly volleys the ball out of mid-air after whoever was controlling the FC Schalke goalie made the smart move and held down Y to bring him out for the clear.  The shot goes 5o yards on a god damn rope that only rises a couple feet higher than the cross bar the entire time.  The ball goes in the back of the net while the keeper has the same look on his face as Jesse did when the whale jumps over him at the end of Free Willy.

The fact that he even attempted this shot made me wonder who this jamoch is.   Turns out he was also the 2009 FIFA Beach World Cup MVP winning both the Golden Ball and the Golden Shoe.  Before you ask how he won both the Golden Ball and the Golden Shoe, or what either of those are, the answer is yes…there is a FIFA Beach World Cup and it is awesome.  It may or may not be the most underrated event to go to and watch drunk.  The Stank scored 16 goals in 6 games, including the following, which may have been better if you throw out the fact that they are actually playing soccer on a beach:


Hey Chad Pennington, Relax with the Comeback Player of the Year Bullshit

ESPN.com – Hard-luck quarterback Chad Pennington tore an anterior cruciate ligament in a pickup basketball game and will undergo surgery next week. Pennington’s agent, Tom Condon, said in a news release Thursday that Pennington will have the operation April 7 and well-known surgeon Dr. James Andrews will perform it. The release did not say which knee Pennington injured. The former Jets and Dolphins quarterback is now a free agent. The 34-year-old Pennington twice has been selected the NFL Comeback Player of the Year, but he lasted just two plays last season with the Dolphins before hurting his right shoulder again. He had surgery on it for the fourth time, but said he wants to try to return to the NFL this season.

If I’m James Chadwick Pennington, I’m not buttering my own toast let alone playing pick-up basketball (and by “buttering my own toast” I mean literally buttering his toast and also masturbating). Especially considering his history, and the fact that “playing pick up basketball” is at the top of the list of “poor off-season decisions for athletes” along with being on a sex boat, trying to kill farm workers with a machete, wearing sweatpants while carrying your gun in a New York Club, running an underground dog-fighting ring, hiring someone to kill your wife, riding in a limo with Ray Lewis’ limo driver, using a cell phone to facilitate a drug deal, “training” with Baron Davis, or anything involving a motorcycle.

Greinke goes down like two weeks before this from playing ball, and the anti-gunslinger has no reservations about going out there and potentially ending his career. This is the same Chad Pennington who is throwing rainbows and sunshine passes every Sunday and was a finalist for the Rhodes Scholarship while at Marshall, but decides to go rogue and play pick-up basketball when he isn’t even signed yet this year? Dangerous and not smart. I’m not buying it.

Pennington is clearly setting up shop to make a run at Comeback Player of the Year in 2012. He’s already the only player in history to win the award twice (2006 and 2008), and has really nothing else going for him. Why not take a dive in a pick-up game, relax for the entire year and ramp up for 2012? This way you have nothing to lose. Either you kill it and make it number three – pretty much locking that record up for the history of the NFL, or you fail miserably and everyone feels bad for you because you got hurt. Shit is genius.

Either way, he needs to come back and play a little more, and hopefully play poorly. James Chadwick currently has the All-Time NFL record for Completion Percentage at 66.0%. I looked through some NFL records, and I can’t find more of a joke than this. The only thing that comes close is “Most Consecutive Completions in a Game,” which is 24 by Donovan McNabb. How he went 24 passes without throwing a check down 90 miles-an-hour at someone’s feet or skipping a comeback route five yards in front of his receiver is beyond me. Pennington has never made a Pro-Bowl yet he holds the All-Time Completion Percentage record. Other records Pennington holds: “Only Quarterback in NFL History to Have Never Thrown a Pass Longer than 25 Yards,” “Most Lob Passes in One Game (24),” and “Only NFL Player to Miss a Game With a Yeast Infection.”


MJ Not Happy With Tyler Zeller Wearing Kobes

“Next time I see you wearing those Kobe Bryants, I’m gonna take em right off.”

That’s right MJ, keep that pimp hand strong.You are Michael Jeffrey Jesus Ghandi Ali Fucking Jordan. Number twenty three.  Six rings, five MVPs, ten First Team All-NBA, we know the drill.  You can’t have anyone wearing the Carolina Blue and walking around with some 5-ring Mickey Mouse bullshit on their feet.  Especially not the nerdy kid from Road Trip.

MJ’s minding his own business, rockin his ripped jeans trying to get on an ATV like any normal person would be doing in the tunnel at a basketball stadium, and Zeller and his boys just walk by and disrespect him like that?  I’m surprised he didn’t have him kicked off the team.  Why do you think Larry Drew is gone?  Jordan caught him with Bacon Neck and shipped him out.  You wear Hanes Lay-Flats or you get the fuck out.

Jordan is so upset, he takes that completely normal giant remote control he is holding – which was about to start up that ATV – and he calls the spaceship to come pick him and Newman from Seinfeld up so they can bail.

“I don’t care if your feet kill you, you better be wearin them Jordans.”

There’s your million dollar slogan right there.  Freudian slip or egotistical threat?  I can’t decide.  Anyway, calling out the team for wearing the wrong shoes, making fun of them for getting killed by Duke, totally pulling off those ripped jeans, and then telling them that he will get them anything they want if they make the Final Four? Claaaaaaaaaaaasic MJ.  Dude is untouchable even without the Hitler mustache.

Police Somehow Mistake #1 College Football Recruit Jadeveon Clowney for Burglar

Jadeveon Clowney

ESPN.COM – South Carolina’s top football recruit Jadeveon Clowney was detained and handcuffed briefly by Columbia police early Friday morning because authorities say he fit the description of burglar. Clowney was questioned and released.

To demonstrate — and downplay — what happened to Clowney, Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier was detained and handcuffed briefly by Police Chief Randy Scott while talking to the media after practice Friday afternoon.

Clowney was stopped at 2 a.m. Friday morning, but Scott stressed that the 18-year-old South Pointe High senior did nothing wrong. The chief did say Clowney was wrongly allowed into a bar in the Five Points district near campus; Scott said he was told the person who let Clowney inside had been fired.

“A lot of people would probably get upset getting handcuffed, but the police have a tough job to do,” Spurrier said. “They don’t know who has a gun who’s going to shoot them or not. So a lot of times they will handcuff a person, ask him a few questions and that’s the end of it.”

So apparently whoever reported the burglary told police to look for a 6’6′ black guy with dreads and the most ridiculous name possible.

One of two things clearly happened here: either the Columbia police mistakenly arrested a large black male with dreadlocks for the first time in the recorded history of southern law enforcement or they arrested Jadeveon for making it rain in a bar as an 18-year-old, then realized who he was and tried covering it up asap Jim Tressel style.

The best part about this story is watching The Old Ballcoach shine.  He starts it off with this gem: “…the police have a tough job to do. They don’t know who has a gun who’s going to shoot them or not.”   Excellent point, Steve. Way to throw the scent off the “my 18-year-old star recruit was in a bar and he hasn’t even stepped on the field yet” trail.

He then has the same cop come to spring practice on a Saturday and frisk, cuff, and arrest him mid-interview.  “”One of the witnesses said it looked like the head ball coach of South Carolina, so I had to tell him that I didn’t leave practice all day today,” Spurrier said. “So [Scott] said it was OK.”

Just classic stuff here from the master.  You put the Old Ballcoach in Jim Tressel’s position and he goes to the tattoo parlor with Terrelle Pryor, holds a press conference there, and the two of them get matching friendship tattoos and play it off like the guy was holding the memorabilia temporarily until they both could come in.

Either way, for you Gamecocks out there, this can’t inspire confidence about the Jadeveon era.

Current odds on DE Jadeveon Clowney Futures:

+1200 – Wins Heisman

-120 – Gets Arrested at Some Point While in School

-110 – Records More Sacks than Classes Attended

+ 140 – His Family Will Suddenly Come into Money and Move into a Bigger House within the Next Year

+ 100,000 – Graduates from School