Category Archives: White on White Crime

White Kids Make Rap About Indiana, Which Makes Total Sense

As seen on Barstool U.

Making a rap video about Indiana University basketball is like writing a symphony about the University of Miami football.  Just doesn’t fit the culture if you get what I mean.  However Indiana students Brice and Daniel — virginity-in-tact –still decided to make a rap video where everyone is pretty excited about the fact that their basketball team is currently 10-9 and has gone 26-55 in the last three years.  Go figure.  I mean there were a couple highlights:

-A few smokeshows, one of whom is the only black person in the whole video and I’m assuming the entire school.

-After singing about all of their “banners on the wall” (none of which have come in the last 23 years),  at 2:20 into the song we get to the bridge.  So naturally, keeping with the rich tradition of Indiana basketball, an Asian kid in a suit with a red mohawk plays the violin.  Wish I could make that shit up.

I know these kids didn’t get any from the smokeshows in the video, but if it got them a handy or two from some girl in the band, then mission accomplished.  Now go help your program climb out of the asshole of the Big Ten.


White on White Crime

Jimmer Fredette sans tan.

The Brigham Young Cougars played the Utah Utes in what is always an entertaining, fundamental, back-door-cut kind of basketball game last night.  About as close to the infamous “Ten Man White Wash” as you could possibly get in college basketball in 2011.

Jimmer Fredette, aka The Great White Hope aka White Lightning aka The Snowstorm aka Powder aka The Manilla Folder, went 47-6-4 with 16-28 shooting, 6-9 from three, and 9 of 9 from the line.  A white guy named Jimmer on BYU putting 47 on Utah is the whitest thing that’s happened on a basketball court since Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch killed the 1991 MTV Rock’N’Jock Basketball Game.

(Some thoughts from this fantastic video: 1. A few different times during the performance, Marky decides to pull his pants down to his ankles and skip around in his underwear.  I was only five when this happened but I can’t see how I forgot he did this frequently.  For some reason I can’t see that happening today.  2. I would punch a baby to get one of those jerseys.  I will now spend the next two weeks looking for one online.  3.  How does MTV still not do this?  Does anyone not remember these games being one of the main influences of their childhood? Basketball, football, softball.  They could do this right now and they would absolutely kill.  MTV, please bring these back.  I would love to see Efron dunk on Justin Beiber.  And for those of you saying Efron can’t dunk, please stop reading and go watch “17 Again” right now.)

Anyway, Jimmer has the Cougars ranked 10th, they are 17-1 and only really have to play UNLV the rest of the way.  Vanilla Sprinkles is averaging 26.1 and shooting .485-.895-.408.  This March will be filled with Jimmer as he will be the token big-time player from a mid-major that gets a lot of hype and most-likely single-handedly takes his team to the Elite 8.  Think Stephen Curry all over again except the slight skin pigment.

Moral of the story: I love this.  Give me more of this in college basketball.  Ever since Kyle Korver and Taylor Coppenrath left school I haven’t had my fix of sweet white guys from mid-majors who can take their jamoch-squad on their backs and win a couple games by themselves dropping 40 points.

Jimmer’s night has coaxed The White Mamba back out of his lair.  More to come…