Category Archives: College Basketball

MJ Not Happy With Tyler Zeller Wearing Kobes

“Next time I see you wearing those Kobe Bryants, I’m gonna take em right off.”

That’s right MJ, keep that pimp hand strong.You are Michael Jeffrey Jesus Ghandi Ali Fucking Jordan. Number twenty three.  Six rings, five MVPs, ten First Team All-NBA, we know the drill.  You can’t have anyone wearing the Carolina Blue and walking around with some 5-ring Mickey Mouse bullshit on their feet.  Especially not the nerdy kid from Road Trip.

MJ’s minding his own business, rockin his ripped jeans trying to get on an ATV like any normal person would be doing in the tunnel at a basketball stadium, and Zeller and his boys just walk by and disrespect him like that?  I’m surprised he didn’t have him kicked off the team.  Why do you think Larry Drew is gone?  Jordan caught him with Bacon Neck and shipped him out.  You wear Hanes Lay-Flats or you get the fuck out.

Jordan is so upset, he takes that completely normal giant remote control he is holding – which was about to start up that ATV – and he calls the spaceship to come pick him and Newman from Seinfeld up so they can bail.

“I don’t care if your feet kill you, you better be wearin them Jordans.”

There’s your million dollar slogan right there.  Freudian slip or egotistical threat?  I can’t decide.  Anyway, calling out the team for wearing the wrong shoes, making fun of them for getting killed by Duke, totally pulling off those ripped jeans, and then telling them that he will get them anything they want if they make the Final Four? Claaaaaaaaaaaasic MJ.  Dude is untouchable even without the Hitler mustache.


White Kids Make Rap About Indiana, Which Makes Total Sense

As seen on Barstool U.

Making a rap video about Indiana University basketball is like writing a symphony about the University of Miami football.  Just doesn’t fit the culture if you get what I mean.  However Indiana students Brice and Daniel — virginity-in-tact –still decided to make a rap video where everyone is pretty excited about the fact that their basketball team is currently 10-9 and has gone 26-55 in the last three years.  Go figure.  I mean there were a couple highlights:

-A few smokeshows, one of whom is the only black person in the whole video and I’m assuming the entire school.

-After singing about all of their “banners on the wall” (none of which have come in the last 23 years),  at 2:20 into the song we get to the bridge.  So naturally, keeping with the rich tradition of Indiana basketball, an Asian kid in a suit with a red mohawk plays the violin.  Wish I could make that shit up.

I know these kids didn’t get any from the smokeshows in the video, but if it got them a handy or two from some girl in the band, then mission accomplished.  Now go help your program climb out of the asshole of the Big Ten.

Streak for the Cash Pick 1/14

Streak for the Cash Pick 1/14

Jump on the Stags!

So Providence got housed by 30 last night.  Way to show up Friars.  We killed the Nuggets over Heat pick, so I look at it as a wash.  Especially if you put money on the Nugs and only an SFC Pick on the Friars.  I bet if God Shammgod was still playing they would have kept it within 15.

Today 1/14: On to the next one…Who loves some MAAC Basketball!  Get your first glimpse of the Fairfield Stags, the top team in the powerhouse Mid-Atlantic Athletic Conference and a lock for a 15 seed come this year’s tournament.  The Stags actually are first in D-1 in PPG Defense and have won 11 straight.  Loyola (6-9) averages 6.2 threes per game – which is high – but the Stags are 47th in the country allowing opponents to shoot threes at only 30.5%.  The pick here is Fairfield, who should limit Loyola to under 55 and win by plenty.  If you can get a line on this game from your friendly off-shore betting site, I would take this as well because the Stags are only laying five.  This will be a double up pick here


Streak for the Cash Pick 1/13

Streak for the Cash Pick 1/13/2011

Take Providence with the AOR tonight.


For those of you out there who close your eyes and pick whatever random Streak for the Cash pops up on or the iPhone App (awesome and the only reason I still do SFC), you need some guidance.  As someone who has had multiple streaks above 10, I figured I would help one of you win the cash prize so that you will then tell everyone where you got the advice from when you win.

Take these picks seriously.  There is money on the line here.  You must remain calm in the process of picking SFC and you can’t get too excited.  Much like people on the Price is Right who are just happy to be there and don’t take it seriously.  Don’t waste opportunities like this.  Tosh can explain it a little better than I can here.

I’ll try to post my picks everyday and you all can ride my wave of victory to the promised land.

Today 1/13: Providence goes to WVU.  The line on the game is WVU -9.5, but SFC has them laying 15+.  The Mountaineers have only won two games this year by 15+, and they were against clown squads VMI and Bobby Mo (Robert Morris for those of you not from The Burgh).  Meanwhile, Providence hasn’t lost by more than 15 all season, and Pitt only beat them by four.  Easy pick here, Big East games like this always stay within ten either way.  Providence AOR is the pick.

White on White Crime

Jimmer Fredette sans tan.

The Brigham Young Cougars played the Utah Utes in what is always an entertaining, fundamental, back-door-cut kind of basketball game last night.  About as close to the infamous “Ten Man White Wash” as you could possibly get in college basketball in 2011.

Jimmer Fredette, aka The Great White Hope aka White Lightning aka The Snowstorm aka Powder aka The Manilla Folder, went 47-6-4 with 16-28 shooting, 6-9 from three, and 9 of 9 from the line.  A white guy named Jimmer on BYU putting 47 on Utah is the whitest thing that’s happened on a basketball court since Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch killed the 1991 MTV Rock’N’Jock Basketball Game.

(Some thoughts from this fantastic video: 1. A few different times during the performance, Marky decides to pull his pants down to his ankles and skip around in his underwear.  I was only five when this happened but I can’t see how I forgot he did this frequently.  For some reason I can’t see that happening today.  2. I would punch a baby to get one of those jerseys.  I will now spend the next two weeks looking for one online.  3.  How does MTV still not do this?  Does anyone not remember these games being one of the main influences of their childhood? Basketball, football, softball.  They could do this right now and they would absolutely kill.  MTV, please bring these back.  I would love to see Efron dunk on Justin Beiber.  And for those of you saying Efron can’t dunk, please stop reading and go watch “17 Again” right now.)

Anyway, Jimmer has the Cougars ranked 10th, they are 17-1 and only really have to play UNLV the rest of the way.  Vanilla Sprinkles is averaging 26.1 and shooting .485-.895-.408.  This March will be filled with Jimmer as he will be the token big-time player from a mid-major that gets a lot of hype and most-likely single-handedly takes his team to the Elite 8.  Think Stephen Curry all over again except the slight skin pigment.

Moral of the story: I love this.  Give me more of this in college basketball.  Ever since Kyle Korver and Taylor Coppenrath left school I haven’t had my fix of sweet white guys from mid-majors who can take their jamoch-squad on their backs and win a couple games by themselves dropping 40 points.

Jimmer’s night has coaxed The White Mamba back out of his lair.  More to come…

Straight Cash Homie: Betting Tonight’s Final Four Games

Any one of the four teams left could win the National Championship this year.  Whether or not this is a good thing I’m not sure yet.  In my opinion, the best storylines are the coaches.  Wunderkind Brad Stevens, who out-coached AP Coach of the Year Jim Boeheim already, takes on Tom Izzo, who at this point could coach five members of the MSU band to a final four.  And the lovable and unpredictable Bob Huggins takes on the well-spoken and calculated Mike Shasheffski (I refuse to spell his name anything other than phonetically).  Both games have relatively evenly-matched teams, and I think the coaches will effect these game more than we’ve seen in a Final Four in a long time.  Keep that in mind when you’re thinking where to put your money tonight.  Here’s where I’m putting mine and why:

Butler (-1) over Michigan State

Most books are giving Butler a point, which I think would be more (like 2-2.5) if people weren’t betting this game specifically because of Tom Izzo.  Butler doesn’t take a possession off and there whole team is an extension of coach Brad Stevens, who will have plenty to throw at Izzo’s Spartans with five days to plan.  Butler’s defense has been phenomenal in their four tournament games, holding high-scoring teams Cuse, K-State, Murray State, and UTEP all under 60 points.  What they lack in athleticism and size they make up for in hustle and fundamentals.  There is no doubt they will be out-matched athletically, but like against K-State I don’t think it will be the difference in the game.

I’m not sure how Michigan State is still around.  Lucas goes down, they have to hit a three at the buzzer to beat Maryland, and they haven’t won a convincing game yet.  Getting Northern Iowa and Tennessee instead of Kansas and Evan Turner State probably helped.  With all that said, the Spartans are athletic one through five and Darrel Summers is playing as good as anyone left in the tournament.  Unfortunately Tom Izzo won’t be able to out-coach his way to a victory like he did against Bruce Pearl and Gary Williams’ assistants.

The trend right now is Butler 53%.  Bettors are split right down the middle, as they probably should be in a game with these two teams.  A stat that makes me comfortable with my money on Butler tonight: The Bulldogs are 5-1-1 against the spread in their last seven games against the Big Ten.  This includes their win against Ohio State earlier this year. They have already beaten two teams that are head-and-shoulders better than the Spartans on their tournament path and I don’t expect them to end their run here.  Butler will win, and the fact that the game is 17 minutes from campus makes this a cover for Butler.    Take the Bulldogs with the point.

Butler 68, Michigan State 61.

WVU (+2.5) over Duke

Huggins against Shasheffski.  I am actually pretty excited to see these two go at it.  There are two things that could take this game out of the coaches hands and decide the winner, though: Da’Sean Butler and the refs.  This game will be close at the end, and if Butler decides to take over he has the ability to win the game by himself.  He is the best player left in either game.  On the other hand, if the referees call this game tight, especially in the last five minutes, Duke will be the beneficiary because of their disciplined style of play and superior free-throw shooting.  Referees are naturally Duke fans anyway, and if it’s as bad as the Baylor game they could be the deciding factor.

This game is one of two different styles.  Duke’s balance and efficiency was enough against an athletically-superior Baylor team, but WVU is underrated defensively and just a flat out better version of Baylor.  I think the Big East reigns supreme here.  Duke is 1-5-1 against the spread in their last seven against the Big East, including a man-handling by Georgetown this year.  The Mountaineers swept the Hoyas this season.

This game also has the betting public split down the middle (Duke 54%), and I’m a little surprised the line isn’t closer here. I’m taking WVU straight-up to win; I’m confident enough that Huggins and Butler don’t need the points.  Unless Scheyer puts on an aerial barrage and Shasheffski has an answer to the matchup zone Huggie-Bear is surely going to throw at him, the Mountaineers keep their impressive season going.

WVU 71, Duke 67.