Monthly Archives: March 2011

MJ Not Happy With Tyler Zeller Wearing Kobes

“Next time I see you wearing those Kobe Bryants, I’m gonna take em right off.”

That’s right MJ, keep that pimp hand strong.You are Michael Jeffrey Jesus Ghandi Ali Fucking Jordan. Number twenty three.  Six rings, five MVPs, ten First Team All-NBA, we know the drill.  You can’t have anyone wearing the Carolina Blue and walking around with some 5-ring Mickey Mouse bullshit on their feet.  Especially not the nerdy kid from Road Trip.

MJ’s minding his own business, rockin his ripped jeans trying to get on an ATV like any normal person would be doing in the tunnel at a basketball stadium, and Zeller and his boys just walk by and disrespect him like that?  I’m surprised he didn’t have him kicked off the team.  Why do you think Larry Drew is gone?  Jordan caught him with Bacon Neck and shipped him out.  You wear Hanes Lay-Flats or you get the fuck out.

Jordan is so upset, he takes that completely normal giant remote control he is holding – which was about to start up that ATV – and he calls the spaceship to come pick him and Newman from Seinfeld up so they can bail.

“I don’t care if your feet kill you, you better be wearin them Jordans.”

There’s your million dollar slogan right there.  Freudian slip or egotistical threat?  I can’t decide.  Anyway, calling out the team for wearing the wrong shoes, making fun of them for getting killed by Duke, totally pulling off those ripped jeans, and then telling them that he will get them anything they want if they make the Final Four? Claaaaaaaaaaaasic MJ.  Dude is untouchable even without the Hitler mustache.

Police Somehow Mistake #1 College Football Recruit Jadeveon Clowney for Burglar

Jadeveon Clowney

ESPN.COM – South Carolina’s top football recruit Jadeveon Clowney was detained and handcuffed briefly by Columbia police early Friday morning because authorities say he fit the description of burglar. Clowney was questioned and released.

To demonstrate — and downplay — what happened to Clowney, Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier was detained and handcuffed briefly by Police Chief Randy Scott while talking to the media after practice Friday afternoon.

Clowney was stopped at 2 a.m. Friday morning, but Scott stressed that the 18-year-old South Pointe High senior did nothing wrong. The chief did say Clowney was wrongly allowed into a bar in the Five Points district near campus; Scott said he was told the person who let Clowney inside had been fired.

“A lot of people would probably get upset getting handcuffed, but the police have a tough job to do,” Spurrier said. “They don’t know who has a gun who’s going to shoot them or not. So a lot of times they will handcuff a person, ask him a few questions and that’s the end of it.”

So apparently whoever reported the burglary told police to look for a 6’6′ black guy with dreads and the most ridiculous name possible.

One of two things clearly happened here: either the Columbia police mistakenly arrested a large black male with dreadlocks for the first time in the recorded history of southern law enforcement or they arrested Jadeveon for making it rain in a bar as an 18-year-old, then realized who he was and tried covering it up asap Jim Tressel style.

The best part about this story is watching The Old Ballcoach shine.  He starts it off with this gem: “…the police have a tough job to do. They don’t know who has a gun who’s going to shoot them or not.”   Excellent point, Steve. Way to throw the scent off the “my 18-year-old star recruit was in a bar and he hasn’t even stepped on the field yet” trail.

He then has the same cop come to spring practice on a Saturday and frisk, cuff, and arrest him mid-interview.  “”One of the witnesses said it looked like the head ball coach of South Carolina, so I had to tell him that I didn’t leave practice all day today,” Spurrier said. “So [Scott] said it was OK.”

Just classic stuff here from the master.  You put the Old Ballcoach in Jim Tressel’s position and he goes to the tattoo parlor with Terrelle Pryor, holds a press conference there, and the two of them get matching friendship tattoos and play it off like the guy was holding the memorabilia temporarily until they both could come in.

Either way, for you Gamecocks out there, this can’t inspire confidence about the Jadeveon era.

Current odds on DE Jadeveon Clowney Futures:

+1200 – Wins Heisman

-120 – Gets Arrested at Some Point While in School

-110 – Records More Sacks than Classes Attended

+ 140 – His Family Will Suddenly Come into Money and Move into a Bigger House within the Next Year

+ 100,000 – Graduates from School