The White Mamba Mock Draft 2010

Since no one really tries to predict how the draft will turn out, I figured I would take a stab at shaping up the first round how I think it will go.  A couple of disclaimers:  Tim Tebow is not an NFL quarterback.  He will fail.  He has to fail at something, and this is the time.  He will especially not be picked by the Steelers, as my blogging compadre Josh posits. Also, this is a draft where you should expect a lot of fireworks.  People are very polarized on many of these players, and with the late-night start, Drunk Jerry Jones is prone to have a couple more gin and tonics in him than previous drafts.  Don’t rule out the fact that war rooms will now be stocked with Scotch instead of Donuts when considering how many trades and crazy picks we see tonight.  I’m excited.  As you should be.  Now read the mock draft.

1. St. Louis Rams
Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma: Don’t think that the Rams will do anything other than take Bradford here.  They desperately need a franchise face underneath the ram’s horns.  It doesn’t matter if he works out or not they have to make this pick.
2. Detroit Lions
Ndamukong Suh, DT, Nebraska: The Lions get the most immediate impact player in the draft.  Suh will come in right away and be effective.  There is no better player for a young team with no defensive identity.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Gerald McCoy, DT, Oklahoma:  McCoy should be the pick here but something tells me the Bucs might have other plans.  This is a spot that could prove to be a big surprise come tonight.  If the Bucs aren’t sold on McCoy, or they don’t want to pay him No. 3 money, watch for a trade down here.  I’m going to say McCoy, but I’m not 100% sold.
4. Washington Redskins
Trent Williams, OT, Oklahoma: Word is that the Redskins are sold that Williams has a higher ceiling than Okung.  I would disagree but I’m not Chainsaw Snyder.  Either way, after the Haynesworth debacle and the McNabb risk, it’s time to make the safe pick here.
5. Cleveland Browns (via trade with Kansas City)
Eric Berry, FS, Tennessee: Holmgren has been decisive so far, and Berry is the best available and fills a big hole.  I’m convinced there are two players The Walrus wants: Berry and Colt McCoy.  He gives up a 4th rounder to jump two spots, but with the Seahawks at six he doesn’t want to take the risk.  The Browns aren’t done in the first round either.
6. Seattle Seahawks
Russell Okung, OT, Oklahoma State : Alex Gibbs is going to get a brand new toy to help his legendary offensive line schemes.  Okung falls here, and even though Pete Carroll wants to make a sexy splash, the staff he has built around him will make sure he knows this is the pick.  Walter Jones made Seattle relevant for years and Okung should do the same. Carroll will get to have his draft fun later.
7. Kansas City Chiefs (via trade with Cleveland Browns)
Rolando McClain, ILB, Alabama: Pioli loves trading down, and knows McClain, the guy they want and love, will still be there at 7.  No reason not to do this on the Chiefs part.  They don’t have to pay McClain as much and they pick up 4th rounder in the process.
8. Oakland Raiders
Dan Williams, DT, Tennessee : They can’t pick Dez Bryant after Heyward-Bey, right?  They can’t pick Jimmy Clausen after Jamarcus Russell, right?  Expect the unexpected from Al Davis, and expect it to most likely be a terrible pick.  Even when they went safe with Robert Gallery in 2004 it didn’t work.  If Big Ben is going anywhere, it’s here or Arizona (more on this later), so this could belong to the Steelers.  They go with Williams here when they probably should take Bulaga.
9. Buffalo Bills
Bryan Bulaga, OT, Iowa: They are not taking Clausen.  Even though it would make sense, this team is in no position to have a young quarterback, even if he doesn’t play.  Too many things that need to be addressed before they can draft the franchise QB.  They shouldn’t worry though because they may not win a game in their division this year and they will surely be drafting in the top five again next year.  They could have used Williams, but with him going to the Raiders they take a safe pick with Bulaga to sure up the o-line.
10. Philadelphia Eagles (via trade with Jacksonville Jaguars
Earl Thomas, CB, Texas: E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!  The separation anxiety from the loss of Brian Dawkins causes the Eagles to panic and trade up to snag Thomas.  I think they are going to trade up, and this is the first possible spot.  They could also try the 12 slot with Miami or one of the 49ers two picks.  With the Dolphins and Seahawks needing a safety as well, though, the Eagles make sure they get their man.  They give up the 23rd pick in the second round to move up 14 spots.  They can do this because the Eagles stockpiled ten picks this year with the McNabb and Tapp trades.  They still have the fifth pick in the second round and sixth in the third.
11. Denver Broncos (from Chicago)
Sergio Kindle, OLB, Texas: They are not taking Dez Bryant!  They did not get rid of Brandon Marshall just to draft an unproven version of him.  Quick story on Dez Bryant: he forgot to bring shoes to his pro day, so he performed the first half of his workout in bare feet.  I’m going to repeat this sentence one more time just so we are all on the same page here: HE FORGOT HIS SHOES ON HIS OWN PRO DAY.  He might be an incredible talent, but if I’m a GM I’m not touching him until at least the 20s.  They take Kindle too high, but he can play rush linebacker and support/succeed Elvis Dumervil.
12. Miami Dolphins
Derrick Morgan, DE, Georgia Tech : They could have taken Williams if he was still available.  They could trade down and try to get back the second round pick they lost for Marshall.  However, I think they go with Morgan.  Another overrated pass-rusher because of a weak class, but he is the best of the mediocre bunch.  He will fit their 3-4 scheme nicely and should be able to contribute this year.
13. San Francisco 49ers
Joe Haden, CB, Florida: The Niners have two goals with these two picks: Offensive Tackle and Cornerback.  Don’t be fooled into thinking this is a QB or Spiller.  They are fatally dedicated to Alex Smith and with Gore and Coffee and now Ted Ginn, Spiller would make no sense.  With three tackles off the board I say they grab Haden and wait to draft their tackle at 17.
14. Seattle Seahawks (from Denver)
C.J. Spiller, RB, Clemson: It was risky that he lasted this long, but he really doesn’t make sense anywhere once you get past Cleveland.  The Seahawks patience pays off and they get there man.  Trust me, Carrol wants the Bugatti of the 2010 draft class and he will get him.  Spiller is not Chris Johnson, but he very well could end up taking over the playmaking duties on a squad with zero explosion.  Okung and Spiller is the ideal scenario for Seahawks fans (trust me I would know).  Next best case would be Berry and Bulaga if they miss out on Williams or Okung at No. 6.
15. NY Giants
Jason Pierre-Paul, DE, South Florida: If there is anyone who loves athletic rush ends it’s the Giants.  I think JP2 could be sufficiently awkward and unnecessary in a Subway commercial, which is the only requirement for Giants’ defensive linemen.
16. Tennessee Titans
Brandon Graham, OLB, Michigan : A bit of a jump here, but Graham can play standing up or from the three-point stance and would fit well with the Titans.  If Haden is here, they could pick him, or if they like Kareem Jackson of Alabama more, but I think they go pass-rusher here.
17. San Francisco 49ers (from Carolina)
Anthony Davis, OT, Rutgers : The Niners’ draft goes just as planned, and they would be happy with any of the next two or three tackles here at 17.  Good value for a talented player who can contribute right away.  Unfortunately he still has to block for Alex Smith, who will once again cause the Niners to win less than ten games.
18. Pittsburgh Steelers
Maurkice Pouncey, C, Florida : This is one of the easier picks in the draft.  The Rooneys don’t like cheerleaders or fireworks or drama, and they miss Dermonti Dawson.  If Big Ben doesn’t move, Pouncey is the obvious pick here.  They get the best center in the draft, and they get him at good value at 18, too.  Teams seam to shun away from picking centers early, but this guy is a guaranteed ten-year starter on your team and would be a good pick anywhere outside the top five.
19. Atlanta Falcons
Mike Iupati, OG, Idaho: Matty Ice is priority numero uno in the ATL.  Protecting him is the most important thing and the Falcons won’t mess around here, even though the Jamaal Anderson pick needs to be remedied.
20. Houston Texans
Kareem Jackson, CB, Alabama : You just can’t give up on Slaton yet.  If the Texans think he is a lost cause, Ryan Mathews could be the pick here, but the Texans have more needs.  There is also six foot four inch guy with a laser-rocket arm on the Colts that effects all decisions in the AFC South.  You can never have too many cornerbacks.
21. Cincinnati Bengals
Dez Bryant, WR, Oklahoma State: Why the hell not?  Cincinatti is where background checks go to die.  Bryant, who once again forgot his shoes on pro day, fits in absolutely perfectly with the Bungals.  They do need another big play guy to either go along with Ocho or completely replace him, depending on which Ocho shows up this year.  I’ll be interested to see if Bryant can get five touchdowns or misdemeanors first.
22. New England Patriots
Jermaine Gresham, TE, Oklahoma: In my opinion, the perfect pick for the Belicheck.  I can just see him in a Pats jersey for some reason.  Brady gets another big weapon and red-zone target, and old-school Pats fans get perhaps the second coming of Ben Coates.  Gresham will be a factor this year, and should blossom in New England.
23. Green Bay Packers
Charles Brown, OT, Southern California: GM Ted Thompson loves to build through the lines and hasn’t been able to do so in a while.  The Packers have expended a lot of picks on defense the last couple years and will now address the aging o-line.  Like in Atlanta with Matty Ice, Aaron Rodgers is the Packers biggest investment and protecting him is key.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (via trade with Philadelphia Eagles)
Tim T….Jerry Hughes, OLB, TCU: Tim Tebow is not going in the first round!  As god as my witness…check that, that’s an biased witness…as the intelligence of NFL scouts as my witness, Tebow does not go in the first round.  Sorry I’m not sorry.  Drunk Jerry Jones was right, Tebow is not going to see the field, so why pick him?  If you remember from the trade I made up with the Eagles, the Jags got the 23rd pick in the second round and they will either trade up from there or stay there and get Tebow in the second round.  Tebow WILL be a Jaguar.  Write that down.
25. Baltimore Ravens
Demaryius Thomas, WR, Georgia Tech: The Ravens are in “surround Flacco mode” and they continue to do so by adding Thomas here.  Don’t think the addition of Boldin will shy the Ravens away from taking a wide out here.  Taylor Mays could also be an option, but I think the Ravens are officially shifting to an offensive team.
26. Arizona Cardinals
Sean Weatherspoon, OLB, Missouri : An athletic guy that some think could go a lot higher than this if a team falls in love.  The Cardinals could use help at wide receiver, and if Thomas is still on the board, or Bryant somehow, that could be the pick.  Possible scenario:  I see Arizona as a logical destination for Big Ben.  Whisenhunt knows and loves Ben, and the two have had success together.  Matt Leinart and Derek Anderson are both backups at best, and bringing in Big Ben would immediately make the Cardinals a threat again.  Ben to Fitz = dangerous.  They could give up this pick and a first rounder next year to make this happen.  Keep an eye on this situation.  It’s either Oakland, Arizona, or nowhere for Big Ben.
27. Dallas Cowboys
Taylor Mays, FS, Southern California : Drunk Jerry Jones wants a big-hitting safety to put up on his 1 billion foot jumbotron.  The smart pick here is a tackle, but the sexy pick is Mays.  The Drunk Jerry Jones pick is Mays.  Wade Phillips is at some buffet in Cabo right now and won’t be allowed back in the United States until after the draft.  Drunk Jerry Jones won’t allow it.  Drunk Jerry Jones.
28. San Diego Chargers
Terrence Cody, DT, Alabama: An absolute monster in college and should be the same in the pros.  Replaces Jamaal Williams and gives the Chargers a key piece on defense.  Nothing much to add here so I will take an unprovoked shot at Phillip Rivers.  Dear Phil, I hate you.  You are annoying and I’m not sure how you are so good.  I am extremely glad you continue to not win anything and I hope that continues throughout your career.
29. NY Jets
Everson Griffen, DE, Southern California : Apparently he has “questionable character,” but I don’t even know what that means for a college kid coming out of USC.  If you don’t have questionable character as a football player in Southern California with no rules then I’m not sure I want to draft you.  If there was a linebacker from USC that had “unquestionable character” I would be worried.
30. Minnesota Vikings
Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame: I hate to say it, but really good pick here.  Favre comes back for one more year, tutors the kid (who is way ahead of Favre in arrogance at his age), and the Vikes have their next guy.  Another slap in the face to Tarvaris Jackson.
31. Indianapolis Colts
Tyson Alualu, DE, California: The Freeney injury was too scary to deal with Super Bowl week.  Alualu will probably play defensive tackle, but he will help somewhere on the line and the Colts could use the help.  For some reason I could see a Golden Tate pick here, but it may be a little too early.
32. Cleveland Browns (via trade with the New Orleans Saints)
Colt McCoy, QB, Texas: The Browns are in love with Colt McCoy.  They want to take him out to a nice seafood dinner and actually call him again.  The most proactive team in the draft this year, they take the initiative once again and trade up eight spots to make sure they get McCoy.  Berry and McCoy sounds like a nice first round to me.  In the trade, the Saints get the Browns second round pick (38) and the teams swap third rounders, essentially giving the Super Bowl champs three second round picks.
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One response to “The White Mamba Mock Draft 2010

  1. On #20, you say “…with a laser-rocket arm on the Colts that effects all decisions in the AFC South.” I believe the word you were looking for was “affects” all decisions in the AFC South.

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